Are you saying ‘Yes’ to life or is it more likely ‘No’? Do you have a resistance pattern where you constantly say ‘No’ to life? If you do, you are not alone. The majority of people do not say ‘Yes’ to life. The pattern of resistance is in us and in some of us pretty active.
Where does it come from?
Well, a little soul searching or better, looking into patterns and the past will give answers.
My mother often said that ‘child, you cannot do this or that’. She was disapproving of what I did like a small crafts project for school while I was in first or second grade I remember well. She disapproved but never gave any suggestions or support in order for me to learn and grow, and ultimately be successful. My creativity became stifled. I too often heard ‘you can’t’ or ‘don’t do this or that’. I began feeling not good enough for her expectations. Slowly my self-esteem also became low.
What to do?
During the mid 1960ies I was taught to listen to what parents, grandmother, teachers, neighbors said, and if I was not to change my behavior it had consequences. As a result I felt small and insignificant, not confident at all. And who is going to listen to me?
When a scenario like this is repeated again and again, conditioning happens, and wrong beliefs are adopted and seen as truth. It becomes a pettern to think a certain way about myself.
As a teenager, too many years exposed to this pattern, I for some reason got angry with my mother and pushed her. She turned around and hit me in the face. That hurt – emotionally. I felt so right but with my mother I could never win.
When I was able to move out at 19 and move in with a boyfriend, I felt very insecure in meeting with his longtime friends at a restaurant for example. I also felt insecure at semi-social gatherings at work.
Eventually I outgrew feeling insecure but the feeling of not being or feeling good enough in my mother’s eyes has not left me to date.
This conditioning makes for a good follower in the workplace and in a personal relationship yet eventually resistance comes up. Resistance to not being good enough.